An Embarrassed Knitter

This afternoon I was inspired by Sarah's latest instagram photo to share with you my 'most worn knits'. Unfortunately, out of all the knits I've made for myself (a huge grand total of five!) I only ever wear one on a regular basis. Which is A Very Braidy Cowl, that I finished last month. The reason that I don't wear my other knits could be because my Origami Falls Cowl & Horseshoe Lace Cowl need blocking, the Age of Brass & Steam Kerchief isn't yet off the needles, and my Emanelle gloves need to be re-sown (very long story), but I think this goes a lot deeper than that.

I'm embarrassed. 

My first pair of socks have so much wrong with them!
I should have blocked them, grafted the toe
better, the list goes on!

I get very embarrassed when people praise my knitting, because it is never as good as they make it out to be. My knitting isn't "beautiful", "gorgeous", or "perfect". When I think of beautiful, perfect knitting I think of Stephanie Pearl-Mcphee, The Rainey Sisters, or Mimi Hill. My knitting is no way near as good as there's, and I doubt it ever will be. So, when people give such praise to my creations I stand there & squirm, saying: "oh, thank you, that's very kind", while the million things that are wrong with it flood into my head. 

This is also why I hesitate to give knitted gifts. I'm more than happy to knit them, it is the giving that I have problems with. Because I know that I am going to have to stand there and watch them tear open the wrapping paper, and slowly draw their gift out. I stand there, watching them turn their gift over and over in their hands, and I suddenly see everything that is wrong with it.

For example, I went to my eldest sister's house for tea one evening, and I brought with me a parcel of knitty goodies for her youngest daughter, Daisy (who was 6 months old at the time). As Sara lifted the cardigan out of the wrapping paper, I suddenly noticed how badly I'd picked up and knitted the collar, and seen the horror that was my sewing (the arms would have sent evil shivers down your spine). I just wanted to run across the room and snatch it out of Sara's hands and bury it away.

Jacket with Moss Stitch Bands - My first ever attempt
at a cardigan. 

My Mother has tried her hardest, bless her, to make me see that my knitting isn't as bad as I make it out to be. One day I was getting nervous about giving my best friend, Molly, the lace scarf & mittens I'd made for her. Mother said to me: "Look Charly, if I had knitted those for you, what would you have said?" I replied: "I'd have asked were you'd bought them, because you don't knit." It did make me think though, that I need to stop putting myself down all the time. If someone had taken the time to make me something from scratch, I wouldn't say the things I say about my own work. 

So I've come to the conclusion that unless I stop knitting, I'm going to have to get used to the idea of my work being praised. I shall have to stand there, red as a beetroot, and accept the fact that they think it is beautiful and perfect, even if it isn't in my eyes.